How to Cuss Out Your Baby Brother

The kids have finally figured out how to insult each other with words now instead of hitting. Yes, they're growing up so fast.

We can thank such wonderful shows like Charlie Brown Christmas. My kids picked up "idiot" and "stupid" from Lucy. Of course like all kids, including myself at their age, they don't know it's a "bad word" until they use it and get in trouble. I can remember repeating a rather offensive word after hearing it on a Superman movie when I was 7. I don't think I've ever learned quicker than I did in that moment of realization that I used a "bad word" and thus must be punished.

Devious, I mean cunning, children are also quick to figure out that the tone of your voice, no matter what you're saying, can communicate disdain or frustration. Our oldest created the word "britchy" I think out of frustration from not being able to use "idiot, stupid and poopy-head." I'll just make a new word but use the same tone, that will let baby brother know I mean business. Now I know that it looks like and sounds like a very grown-up kind of word but I'm almost positive it's not a by-product of her mother's vocabulary; almost. Then there's the use of words by kids where they see it as a down-right cutting jab. This is the funniest and hardest to actually correct. The kids have a friend who thinks the word "stinker" is just the worst cut-down in the world. And I'm sure in his mind he's just waiting to get in big trouble for using it. But come-on (shelly) it's not a bad word and it's actually quite funny. The sincerity is definitely appreciated and it reminds me of one of my favorite commercials. Orbit gum has a "dirty mouth" commercial with two ladies and a man giving each other one heck of a tongue-lashing, only it's with "clean" words. Check it out below...





Oh, one more thing...eliminating part of an insulting phrase doesn't make it less bad. Telling your baby brother to "shut" instead of "shut up" doesn't fool your parents. Unless of course dad's watching TV and mom's cooking, then you can probably get away with it a few times.

4greens

Famous Rachel

Our dear Rachel has finally made it. She's becoming a regular icon in the wide world of gourmet food stores located in far western suburban Chicago revived downtowns along the Fox River. Give a girl a nice knife and a hot plate and she's gold.

I told you in the very first post that she had started working a few hours a week in a gourmet food store in the next town over. Best gig in a long time for her. Definitely in her element here. I mean she has a knack for taking a jar of something and turning it into a meal that's easy and tasty.

The store owner picked up on this real quick and asked Rachel to demo some items for an annual Open House. Long story short, it was a success and she had a blast. It went so well in fact that the owner asked if she would consider doing it a few more times. Before Rachel knew it she had become the "instructor" for some cooking classes the store was hosting.

The best part about it is the taste-testing. Every idea she had we get to try it. You wouldn't want her to have a bomb recipe right ? I'm doing all I can to ensure that doesn't happen. The neighbors are also appreciative of Rachel's new fame. Who doesn't enjoy free food ?

She's already had a Super Bowl open house and classes will start soon. I'll let you know when she schedule's her first throwdown with Bobby Flay.

Baby it's cold outside...

What to do when it's -10 degrees and sunny (Hint: nothing)

Freakiest thing...the colder it gets the more beautiful the sky. I'm sure there's some meterological explanation that I'm not going to figure out, I'll leave that to you and Google. It's the worst case study in irony that I've ever experienced. Probably akin to the desert mirage...you think it's gonna be so nice but NOPE. Sorry, tricked you again.

You wake up, wondering to yourself..."hmmm...it's so sunny out today; what a great day to go sledding (yeah that's now in our vocabulary) or whatever..." So you stumble into the bathroom, glance at the handy digital thermometer you have sitting next to the toothbrush (these things are an absolute necessity, I mean you become so fascinated with temperature up here that it's a part of your routine every day) and GASP!! What does LL.L mean in thermometer-ese ? It means it's too dang cold for even the thermometer to read...below -10F !

So cold that time seems to slow down...light bulbs don't glow as bright (for real), the car doesn't respond the same (ours actually came with a plug to keep the engine block warm) and your FACE feels like it's going to shrink up so tight it will snap. And don't think you're going outside "real quick" to get the mail or paper. I did that once and figured out that facial hair has just enough moisture to freeze. I swear it's turned some of it white already. Oh, and yes Virginia, boogers freeze. Like ROCKS, painful rocks. Man (I) was not intended to live in these conditions.

Even more sad, sunlight is so RARE during February that the weather dudes actually tell you how many minutes of sunlight we've had each day. So these bright sunny days are torture.

Then there's that comforting sound of the air ducts expanding and contracting as the heat cycles on and off. It's always so nice to hear "POP" in the night. No dear, it's not the Abominable Snowman, just the house, moaning.

PS- Have you ever heard of Frozen Fog, I didn't think so. It's really dense fog that occurs when it's below freezing. Check out the pic...if you can see it clearly...the fog freezes on stuff and it looks like whitefuzz.

Weird Things #2 - Food is Weird Here

You know I couldn't go too long without a food-related posting. Especially with Rachel working around it and the rest of us putting our fair share of it down our pie-holes.


I'll start with the pizza. Not the "Chicago deep-dish" stuff, just the regular pizza. Thin crust to be more specific.


Pizza is round. Yes it is, I'm not going to discuss Little Skeezer's square thing, pizza is round. But for some reason, up here, it's cut in squares. Evidently no one played with that toy as a child there you put the square blocks in the square holes and round blocks in round holes. Think about what happens when you cut a pizza that's ROUND into SQUARES. You're left with tiny freak pieces on the edge.


Hot dogs have vegetables on them. Relish, tomatoes, pickles, peppers...weird. Check it out, Google a "Chicago dog" and feast our eyes on that disaster.


Corn is royalty. It holds a special place in the mid-western heart, second only to soybeans. You don't mess with it while it's growing and you don't shun it in the grocery store. You buy lots of it, eat it, grow it in your front bed (see the Picasa site)...you can't escape it. You must respect it.


Don't worry though...it's not too weird to eat.

Back from the East

We made it back in 6 pieces. And that picture of the Griswolds in their Truckster was spot-on for the Greens in their Freestlye, cruising down the magnificent turnpikes that stretch from here to Pennsylvania.


All in all it was a nice trip. Sixteen hours isn't that long if you stretch it out over two days and add junk food, a DVD player, markers, a tomtom and a radar detector. Sprinkle in some skanky rest stops, a couple of priceline.com quality ho/motels and LOTS of McDonald's stops and you've got the makings of a perfect road trip. I felt like we were suspended for two days somewhere between a reality show (Fear Factor) and Cannonball Run.

We arrived disheveled but happy to be at our destination: Middletown, DE...in the middle of the First State, smack between the Chesapeake Bay and the Atlantic Ocean. GG and Big Daddy had transformed their home into a Christmas Wonderland complete with a massive supply of food and musical knick-knacks (is that spelled correctly ?). Bring on the Amish delights and real Coke.


Christmas morning (#4 for our family) was way fun. It's always a treat to see how excited the little ones can get over opening presents. The kids were excited too.


Yeah, I wrote #4. Christmas started in early November when Rachel's brother's family came to visit. #2 was when Grandaddy Dean came in December, #3 was Santa's first attempt at our house just before the journey East.


Everyone's Nazi came out...the wrapping paper one (grabbing the torn paper before it even has a chance to hit the ground), the bow one (snatching every bow that wasn't a victim of violent unwrapping) and the picture one (hurry, snap it so the next person can open their gift). It was fun.


Funny thing about having multiple Christmas mornings...it messes with the little brain. Every morning held the expectation of more presents. Poor Jake, he was never as excited about a new day than he was over the holidays. I think he finally caught on around the 28th.


4greens




It snowed while we were away. The grass was barely visible but still green...amazing how resilient it is.

Christmas Vacation

In the spirit of Clark W. Griswold...we'll be loading up in the Wagon Queen Family Truckster and heading East for Christmas Vacation. 800 miles, 2 days, 2 kids, 2 dogs, 2 MUCH !

No I didn't mis-type, yes the dogs, no...East not South, yes the Truckster.

At the end of the week 4greens will load into the car (we recently put our SUV to rest and swapped to a "cross-over"; it's really a big station wagon) and head towards the First State (Delaware, history buffs) to spend Christmas with Big Daddy and G.G. It will be our first road trip as a family of 4...I mean 6. Can't forget the first kids, Laz and Baby. Maybe this will be Laz's last road trip. The dog years are creepin in on that old dude.

Our first stop will be in the Cleveland area. I've never been to Ohio and have no expectations. Besides, we'll be chained to the Ohio turnpike system. The scenery will be gas stations and fast food restaurants. Maybe we'll grab some souvenir buckeyes. Let me know if you would like one.

Weird things #1: You and you're house do not get along during Winter

Part 1 in a series of I don't know how long...

This is our second winter here in Illinois and as such we consider ourselves "experienced" when it comes to all things cold, snowy and icy. Most mid-westerners would not label us as experienced as we have labelled ourselves, but when you go through as much climatic change as we have in the last 15 months, believe me it puts you in a much different place than you were back in Texas. We've amassed a list if weird things that we've discovered only occur when the temperature drops and stays low.

Weird thing #1: The house

When it's cold outside (and I now define "cold" as temperatures less than 40) you tend to stay inside. Spending lots of time indoors can turn what used to be a nice, new, spacious home into a 6x6 prison. There simply are not enough floors to separate you from each other and not enough pay-per-view to keep you occupied.

Your house throws-up toys, shoes, clothes, couch cushions, blankets, jackets; it's reverse migration, it ALL comes out and doesn't really find its way back in. It reminds me of those penguin movies (either one, the animated of real-life); you know when all of a sudden 2 penguins turn into 20, then into 200, then into 5000. Before you know it there's a million of them in one place, all huddled together to brave winter. Instead of finding a nice cave somewhere, because there are so many caves in Antartica (just go along with me), they get out IN the elements to survive. Our junk does the same thing. And you can forget about trying to keep things "picked up" and clean. The carpets, the walls, the doors, all of them take on this winter hue and it's NOT white. I'm not slamming our capability to clean, because between you and me I can get fierce on cleaning the house. You just never have the chance to leave the house. It's a black hole, again like my feelings about Wal-Mart.

By February you hate your house, your furniture, the walls and that smell that results from the place being closed up for 3 months. We're not a gross family, but things stink after a while. It's no surpise that when the mercury rises above 50 people spring from their cages, in shorts and crocs, and begin congregating on their driveways. It's literally like animals coming out of hibernation. Last winter we would go weeks without seeing the people that live 30 yds from our house. I had no idea that the dude two doors down had 6 kids until they all busted out last spring.

So this year I'm not going to despise my house. We (me and the house) made a promise: it won't make me feel like a prisoner and I won't hold it responsible for winter weight gain and exhorbitant gas bills. Sounds like a deal.

4greens

Last week we had a pretty good snow, but you know what...the grass was still visible even through 4 inches of cover. Despite what gets dumped on us, even what appears to be harmless and possibly enjoyable, the grass is still there - growing. We have an obligation to nuture it and ensure it survives through whatever may come its way.